Your marriage has been stressed for awhile and you or your partner are leaning towards leaving the relationship, but you still have questions. How do you make the decision about whether its time to leave? Is there hope that anything can be different? Will your parter be willing to change? You’ve fallen out of love, but can you fall back in love again? Is there anything you could have done different? What’s on the other side of divorce?
I’m Lisa Delaplace, LCSW-S, LICSW, CST and I can help guide you towards a decision that feels more clear. I provide discernment counseling in Prosper, TX and online throughout Texas and Washington state.
Discernment counseling is a specialized form of therapy designed for couples who are uncertain about the future of their relationship. It is particularly beneficial for those on the brink of separation or divorce but who want to explore all their options before making a final decision. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which focuses on solving relationship problems, discernment counseling helps couples gain clarity and confidence about whether to stay together or part ways.
The primary goal of discernment counseling is to help both partners understand their perspectives on the relationship and make an informed decision about its future. The process is not about fixing the relationship but rather about determining whether there is the potential for the relationship to be repaired or if it’s best to move towards separation.
Key objectives include:
During the counseling process, couples explore three potential paths for their relationship:
Path 1: Stay Together As Is
Couples who choose this path decide to maintain the status quo without making significant changes to the relationship. This might be a temporary decision as they consider their options further.
Path 2: Move Towards Separation or Divorce
This path involves one or both partners deciding that the relationship is no longer viable and that separation or divorce is the best course of action. Discernment counseling provides a safe space to discuss the implications of this decision.
Path 3: Commit to Couples Therapy for Six Months
Couples choosing this path agree to dedicate themselves to six months of couples therapy to work on the relationship with the understanding that talk of divorce or separation is off the table during this period. This path offers a structured opportunity to address underlying issues and potentially rebuild the relationship.
Discernment counseling is typically short-term, often lasting between 1 to 5 sessions. The first session is for 2 hours and each subsequent session is 90 minutes. Each session usually follows this structure:
Initial Session:
The main question in this session is “What happened in our marriage that got us to the point where divorce is an option?” The counselor meets with the couple together and then each separately to express their concerns and thoughts about the relationship. At the end of each session, the couples states which path they are leaning towards and decides whether to schedule another session.
Subsequent Sessions:
In these sessions, the couple and the counselor explore the three paths mentioned earlier. The counselor guides the conversation, helping the couple weigh the pros and cons of each path while addressing their fears and hopes. Each partner has time alone with the therapist for deeper exploration and to get more clarity.
Final Session:
The final session is focused on making a decision about which path to take. The counselor helps the couple review what they’ve discussed and reach a decision that feels right for both parties.
Partnerships come in all shapes and sizes. At times, couples who are not married or who are married, but not to each other, will have ambivalence about staying in the relationship. While this does add complexity to the counseling, Discernment counseling can still be helpful. In polyamorous relationships, there may be primary partners and paramours who are also involved in making these big decisions. During our consultation, we will discuss the structure, dynamics and the decision-makers in the relationship to determine who should attend and when so that a full exploration of the issues and options can happen.
While discernment counseling can be incredibly beneficial for many couples, it is not suited for everyone. It may not be appropriate if:
If you are near Prosper, Texas or anywhere in Texas (Dallas, Austin, Frisco, Plano, Witchita Falls, San Antonio, Houston) or Washington state (Seattle, Bellevue, Kirkland, Spokane, Bellingham, Everett) and considering discernment counseling, I’d love to help you on that journey.
Discernment counseling is designed for those who are genuinely uncertain about the future of their relationship and are willing to explore all possibilities before making a final decision. If you and your partner are at a crossroads and need clarity, discernment counseling can provide the guidance and support you need to make the best choice for your future.
To schedule a consultation, click on the button below.
A partner who is having an affair is likely a leaning out partner or at the very least, feeling some ambivalence about whether to leave the relationship. Discernment counseling will explore this ambivalence in an open and honest way with the purpose of helping each partner gain clarity. Yes, Discernment counseling may be for you.
Insurance does not cover discernment counseling. Discernment counseling is not a medically necessary treatment for a diagnosed mental health disorder. It is not even considered therapy. It is just the process of deciding whether to seek therapy. Insurance may cover couples therapy should you decide to choose that path.
Sometimes discernment counseling can increase motivation to participate in couples therapy by decreasing some of the ambivalence around whether to work on the marriage. If both partners truly are leaning in, but just stuck in unhealthy patterns, then couples counseling is more appropriate. If one partner is leaning out to the point that they will not be truly invested in couples counseling, discernment counseling is the place to start.
Discernment counseling consists of at most, 5 sessions. The initial session is 2 hours long and is $340.00. Subsequent sessions are 90 minutes long and are $255.00 each.
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